Caring for a parent with dementia is often described as the "long goodbye." Your loved one may be physically present, sitting right next to you; yet the person you knew—the parent who gave you advice, told you stories, and remembered your childhood—is slowly fading away. This is the profound experience of ambiguous loss: a loss without a clear ending or closure. It's a highly stressful form of grief that is often not recognized or validated by society because no death has occurred. This sense of being stuck in an emotional limbo—where your parent is both "here and not here"—can be emotionally exhausting, leading to intense feelings of sadness, guilt, and isolation for the entire family.

Ambiguous loss in dementia care is difficult because it defies the conventional rules of grieving. You may feel like you're constantly mourning the loss of a shared memory, a meaningful conversation, or a cherished role. This ongoing, incremental loss is confusing and can leave you feeling guilty for moments of frustration or relief. This emotional tightrope walk can easily create tension between siblings, put a strain on your marriage, and make it nearly impossible to focus on your own needs. The ambiguity freezes the grieving process, making it hard to move forward, and the resulting stress can seriously jeopardize your mental and physical health.

The key to managing this unique challenge is not to seek "closure"—because in ambiguous loss, true closure doesn't exist. Instead, the focus shifts to finding meaning and practicing "both/and" thinking. This means learning to accept that your parent is both absent (cognitively) and present (physically). It involves giving yourself and your family permission to grieve the losses as they occur, to adapt family roles, and to set new boundaries without crippling guilt. These skills allow you to honor the person they were while connecting with the person they are now, even if that connection is simple, non-verbal, and fleeting.

This is a burden no family should carry alone. Therapy for ambiguous loss offers a vital space to name the problem and normalize the confusing swirl of emotions you're experiencing. Therapy can guide you and your family in revising your roles, improving communication among caregivers, and identifying ways to feel more in control amid the unpredictability of the disease. This is an investment in your own emotional survival and the ability of your family to remain a resilient and loving unit during a long-term crisis.

If you are feeling drained, isolated, or overwhelmed by the constant stress and unresolved grief of caring for a parent with dementia, it’s time to reach out. You need—and deserve—support to walk through this fog. Schedule your free consultation and begin to develop strategies for managing ambiguous loss and finding pockets of peace and connection.